Men for Men Straight Talk
Sunday, April 20th, 2008Jack shares his experience and tips when it comes to meeting men online.
Knowing What You Want
Whether you are about to embark on your first gay dating experience or you’ve been on the team for some time, it’s important to take stock of where you want your life to go in order to get the most out of your dating experiences.
Are you:
* Hoping to test out your inclinations? Some people are curious about gay relationships but unsure whether they really fit into the scenario. For them, gay dating can be a way to determine if they are actually gay, straight, or even bi-sexual. It’s only fair to let potential dates know where you stand, so they can make their own decisions about whether they want to be your introduction into the world of same gender romance.
* Just looking for fun? Like many heterosexuals, some gays are just looking for a good time without commitment. As long as you are up front about your motives, and you practice safe sex, your dates shouldn’t expect anything more from you. If a potential partner seems to be trying to create a deeper relationship than you are looking for, walk away before someone gets unnecessarily hurt.
* Looking for a committed relationship? Many gays would like to have the same things found in heterosexual relationships — marriage, or civil unions as the case may be, home, and eventually children. Yes, you can achieve these goals of a full and happy relationship. You just have to target your search to others who feel the same way you do and avoid wasting your time with people who are just looking for a casual good time.
Where to Meet Other Gays
There are plenty of resources for meeting other homosexuals for friendships and relationships; you just have to know where to look.
* Newspaper personal ads are likely to yield some results. While gay news publications are ideal, many mainstream papers and magazines feature a personals section where people can meet and date if they choose, and most will have sections devoted to gay and lesbian singles. These personal ads are necessarily short, but at least you have a starting point for possibly finding someone you’ll have something in common with beyond your sexual orientation.
* Dating Web Sites are a truly excellent source for meeting other homosexuals. You can use Online Dating to help target your ideal mate and then browse through your search results for gay singles who share some of your interests and hobbies. You’ll start the relationship with online chats, see if any sparks flying, and then you can decide if you want to explore the possibilities together.
* We all get by with a little help from our friends. Introductions from friends are yet another great way to meet your gay soul mate. You get to find out a lot about the other person from your friend’s perspective, so you may actually feel like you know each other a little by the time you finally meet.
The Sex Talk
No Dating Advice is complete without the safe sex talk. It may seem like AIDs is not the threat it was a decade ago, but now is no time to let down your guard. Always use protection. Fun is fun, but you don’t risk your life for it. If you date a lot, you need to be tested for HIV at least every six months, and no matter what the results, use protection anyway.
No one knows you better than you, so take a good look, figure out what you want out of life, and then go out there and get it.
Now that you know what you want, Know the rules:
The IKEA Rule.
When looking at guys always remember that it’s kind of like going to IKEA. Everything looks okay from the outside, but there is frequently a lot of pressboard and polyester involved inside. So the proper attitude is: nice sofa, nice sofa, nice sofa, but I don’t need it in my house.
The 4-6-8 Rule.
A guy’s perspective on Relative Attractiveness is as follows:
If he is a 4, he thinks he is a 6, and he is sure he deserves to be with nothing less than an 8.
The Jennifer Hart Rule.
The key to understanding gay guys is this:
Each and every one of them wants to be Jennifer Hart (yes, as in Hart to Hart). This is the fantasy where a notorious playboy who is beautiful, buff, and rich swoops in, realizes (at first sight, naturally) that you and you alone possess the inner beauty he has been seeking all his life, forsakes all others for you, and then takes care of your every spiritual, emotional, and physical need. He is never boring, never bored, and doesn’t mind if you eat everything in sight and acquire heinous love handles. He shares all his worldly goods 50-50 with you, is incredibly thoughtful and low-maintenance and allows you to do nothing for the rest of your life but maintain your hair. The only problem is, everyone wants to be Jennifer and no one wants to be Jonathan.
The “But My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me Like You Do” Rule.
Here’s the scenario:
You meet a really cute guy who’s traveling on business. He has a boyfriend, and they live together, but they: a) Have an “arrangement,” really!! b) Have both been terribly, terribly unhappy for a long time, and only stay together for the sake of the dog c) Are “in the process of breaking up” d) All of the above
Even Doris Day didn’t fall for crap like this in those 50’s flicks (actually, Doris kicked some philanderer’s rear). Half the time, the boyfriend is at home thinking hubby is nestled quietly at the Embassy Suites, dreaming peacefully of their idyllic life together.
The actual rule here? Duh! Stay away! Tell him to call you when the real estate has been divided up and he’s actually single. If the guy is going to cheat on his boyfriend, let it be with someone else. And for those of you who get emotionally involved with guys like this, Doris is coming over to kick YOUR rear.
The “What Goes Around Comes Around” Rule.
(The “Marla Maples Trump” rule.)
If he’s flagrantly cheating WITH you now, sooner or later he’ll be flagrantly cheating ON you. And you’ll deserve it.
The Princess Rule.
If you must be a princess, be Grace, not Margaret. If you are rude, imperious, have nothing interesting to say, and practice questionable hygiene, no one cares how big your tiara is, or whether you own Scotland.
The Nancy Reagan Rule.
If you aren’t interested, “Just Say No.” But do it nicely. Laughing derisively, cringing visibly, or heaping scorn on the other party is unnecessary, disrespectful, and mean. Being polite and kind doesn’t cost you anything, and someday you WILL be in the other guy’s shoes.
The Golden Rule.
Most of you went to kindergarten, so you should already know this one:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So for those of you who do things like breaking up on the answering machine (don’t lie, you know who you are — don’t make me start calling out names), clean up your act!
Now, go play nice with others.
